Talking to your Witchlet about the Lady and Lord

Even parents who tell their children that they can ask them about "anything" often change the subject when children ask about God/Goddess. And they do ask.

"If the Goddess is so powerful, why doesn't she stop bad things from happening?" "Do the Gods hear my prayers?" The questions are legion. In essence, they are the same questions that parents ask, although in another form. But they are questions we must address. After all, who among us is satisfied to give our children an intellectual, but not a spiritual education?

Our answers to these questions guide our children's view of the universe. What do we wish them to believe -- that they are accidents of ancient chemistry or sparks of the divine? Whatever one's philosophy on these matters, we owe our children an honest and searching discussion.

Talking to children about the Lady and Lord is a key component of their sense of self. Children are taught that they are important--but why are they important? Ask your children why they matter. We've asked children "why are you important." The usual answers are "I get good grades; I am good at sports; I have a nice job/boyfriend/girlfriend, my parents love me." All these answers spell trouble, because are all based on something human, and everything human can change. Are we always going to be the brightest in the class, or have that boyfriend or feel our parents love? Do you really want your child's self-esteem to be based on your emotional constitution? Is there no unvarying basis for self-worth?

There is an essence in you that is only yours -- your divine spark. The Gods love you, and that love never changes." When we do that, not only have we given our children a constant basis of self-esteem -- but a non-comparative basis. If I am important because my parents love me, what does that teach me about the child whose parents do not love him, or who has no parents? But all are special in the Goddesses/Gods eyes.

Teaching children about the Divine is a way of giving a firm footing to their spiritual life. Below are a few guidelines for initiating a conversation that can be is as intimate as any between parents and children:

1. Ask. Studies show that almost all children by the age of six have some developed concept of "God". Ask them. Do not allow your own preconceptions to determine the range of their curiosity -- let them think, speculate, dream, imagine. Children will grow in their understanding, but only if we do not cut off conversation by dictating the "truth" or by evading the issue.

2. Tell Stories. Stories encourage children to form concepts of character. To learn about the Gods, tell the stories or teaching legends, incidents from your own life. Children are less adept at manipulating abstract concepts than they are at understanding concrete operational ideas. Along with stories, use descriptive language: Rather than "the Gods know everything" try to be specific: "The Goddess is the one who helps us to grow."

3. Bring the Lady and Lord into everyday life. Tell your children that the Deities love them. Explain that the world is filled with evidence of their concern and artistry. If the language seems alien or difficult, find ways to ease into it. "Who loves you?" Go through a list -- parents, siblings, grandparents, and the Lady and Lord.

4. Do not be defensive at challenges. Thoughtful children -- especially once they enter into adolescence -- will challenge our religious ideas. That is a sign of thoughtfulness. When we are angry or defensive we show our own insecurities, our unease with the religious ideas we profess. Welcome the challenge -- recognize that there are many good reasons to doubt the Gods existence or benevolence. Engage in a dialogue, not a diatribe.

5. Learn good answers. There are no definitive answers to difficult questions, but there are good ones. Try not to fall into the trap of giving facile answers that may satisfy a six year old, but will be transparently unacceptable when the child is older and more sophisticated. It is better not to be understood yet than to misrepresent the complexity of the issues. Still, in many cases hard questions can be addressed very early: "If the Goddess dwells everywhere, is she in my pocket?" The appropriate answer to this is to explain the difference between physical and non-physical objects. The wind is invisible, but physical. Love is intangible. Ask a child "where is love?" You cannot point to it, but you can feel it. The same is true with the Deities.

There is no one idea of the Gods in Paganism. Our "tradition" is as rich theologically as it is culturally and historically. The mystics speak of the Gods with very concrete imagery, talking about the ways in which human beings must repair breaches, and help the Lady and Lord fix the world. Some have spoken of the Gods as far beyond us, others as largely inside of us. We do not have to get it "right." Ideas of the Lady and Lord will always vary; our task is to struggle, to care.